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The Washington Presidents: Abraham Lincoln, Batsman Slayer
Stealing an idea from the great comedian Greg Proops, I have endeavored to fill out a major league roster composed entirely of Presidents of these United States. The Presidents’ positions on the team...
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The Washington Presidents: #36 Makes a Great #2
The Washington Presidents’ pitching staff is already looking good, with Abraham Lincoln anchoring the rotation with his formidable mixture of pure power and guile. But ask any Dodgers fan and they’ll...
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The Washington Presidents: The Innings-Eaters in Chief
There is one overriding trait that a given baseballing squadron looks for when filling the middle of its rotation: an ability to pitch a bunch of innings. These pitchers aren’t going to have the...
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The Washington Presidents: Meh
For most teams that aren’t the 2011 Philadelphia Phillies, the fifth spot in the rotation exists in a perpetual state of flux. Marginal pitchers who are just a little too effective for the bullpen...
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The Washington Presidents: The Bullpen
The Washington Presidents starting rotation is set, and for my money, it’s a formidable collection of executive talent. But many teams have discovered to their anguish (BREWERS!), that a pitching staff...
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The Washington Presidents: Catcher and Back-up Catcher
Catchers are often referred to as “backstops,” and when it comes to our dwindling reserve of presidential ability, two guys stand above the pack, ready and willing to provide pitchers with a nice, wide...
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The Washington Presidents: When you’re sliding into first…
There isn’t really a ‘classic’ first baseman body type, but because it’s a relatively unchallenging defensive position, they really need to rake in order to justify their spot on the roster. I honestly...
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The Washington Presidents: Second base, first asshole
“A lot of winning baseball teams have one guy on their team who’s kind of a dick. (On the field only, I’m talking — I don’t know these people.) They run hard, and play hard, and curse a lot, and get a...
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The Washington Presidents: Third base!
Say what you will about the current Commander in Chief: that he’s a radical Marxist (ha!), the greatest progressive president since LBJ, or a drone-drunk neoliberal sellout (I’m listening…), one thing...
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The Washington Presidents: Shortest Stop
This is an easy one. Shortstops tend to be bantamweight hustlers with slender wrists and narrow ankles, mere wisps of men who appear more at home making cookies in an oak tree than playing the...
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